do not do me

Let's play a game! It's called finish his to do list! Here are some options to help you get started:

Things he will probably be able to eventually cross off his list someday, if not immediately:

• Look like a tool
• Reappropriate a phrase from the armed services, circa Vietnam
  
• Be really embarrassed about this tattoo in 15 years
• Get lame tattoo
• Write on arm like a 13-year-old girl who forgot her trapper keeper but REALLY has to remember Johnny with the swoop at the mall's phone number
• Rock the shocker, further looking like a fool who deserves to be tasered
  
• Get ready for the white trash-themed party

Things to leave on, undone:

• Be original
• Go to a tattoo artist who knows what they're doing
• Understand what lined notepaper looks like
  

I think you can see where I'm going with this.

Verdict: not fuckable

I don't think that means what you think that means

I think her giant, unrestrained breasts might get in the way of effectively wielding a scythe. She should probably cut one off for maximum potential, like an Amazon. Alas, but this woman is no Amazon.
This tattooed masterpiece comes to us from the ever delightful Aubrey and an article in the Washtenaw Voice (don't read it? Maybe you should).
This is from said article:
Why? It symbolizes death, but it’s beautiful because it’s a woman. Death is natural. It’s not always terrible. I was coming out of a dark period, and I figured, if I have the Grim Reaper on my back, she can never catch me.

Whoops, but death will still catch you - spoiler: everybody dies. Everybody dies and you are going to die with an objectified, empty woman on your back.

Verdict: not fuckable

my little what the fuck

It's the radioactive signal that really brings this one together. It's like my childhood was shipped off to Chernobyl and dropped in the sea after being bit by the same spider that bit Peter Parker.

...and I like it. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's all the hospital drugs running rampant through my bloodstream, but whatever is sort of off with this tat is also sort of charming. You will be so cute when your triceps get saggy and the purple starts to fade and you're being wheeled around the nursing home as you curse the grandkids who never visit because clearly, they don't love you like you love them and complain about how shitty the cafeteria jello is when they put grated carrots in it.

Verdict: totes fuckable

STDs are very little fun

If this is an exercise in creative ways to tell people you've fisted that you gave them an STD, I like my idea of baking someone a cake better. Everyone likes cake. Everyone does not like crabs from space in their anus. They aren't cuddly.

Verdict: not fuckable

I cannot pretend that I understand this tattoo completely, but I am sort of into that. I feel certain that there is some sort of story leading up to this tattoo, even if it was a "drunk passed out and my friends are assholes" sort of story. A cursory search of "soyzilla" on the internet brings up no pictures that resemble this Kikkoman soy sauce with legs, so Soyzilla-man, you've piqued my interest.


Verdict: totes fuckable