Breathetaking

Please double-check spelling prior to having a cliche etched onto your body. Also: tattooing a saying over your beer belly will not camouflage or distract from the fact that you have a beer belly.

Verdict: not fuckable

Geek Love

Photosynthesis FTW. More geek tats, plz.

Verdict: Totes fuckable

Tattoo + Natural Deformity = Wonderful

This is brilliant. A sense of humor? Why yes, we will take that. You, ma'am, are a winner.

Verdict: Totes fuckable

Nipple Tattoos Are Not Your Friend

On the one hand, there is [usually] something to be said for originality. On the other hand, you have like 9 nipples tattooed on your chest. You know those are permanent, right?

Verdict: not fuckable

You're Too Old For This Shit

What we have here is a prime example of someone who didn't think about what their semi-ironic tattoos would say about them when they turned 42. Let me tell you: they say, "hi, I'm probably an asshole, and not in a 'take your clothes off for me so I can devour you' kind of way. Also, I fuck anything that moves. I'm not too particular. Fuck me please I haven't gotten laid in 3 years."

Verdict: not fuckable

Query #2

Gentle Reader: would that feel good during fisting? Without it, he's not really special, is he? However, at the same time he has that weird Hannibal Lector thing happening around his mouth. I'm torn.

Verdict: Unclear

The Tattoo is Unimportant

Make me that cupcake and I will stay with you for the rest of my life.

Verdict: MARRY HER

HUSBAND - not a cross post

I'm getting a resurrection, and it's in my pants. This is the elusive fuckable and datable, based solely on the ink mashed into the skin of someone's body. When in doubt, blasphemy is always your best option. Also, dinosaurs.

Verdict: Totes fuckable

Rub Your Bone On Mine

Black light? YES. Unobtrusive, but totally biological and awesome? Yes, plz. Thanks skeleton-boy. We will take that boner hand hard. Thanks.

Verdict: Totes fuckable

Surf's up!

Let's set the mood: you're at a bar, you're looking for someone to go home with, and you run into THIS GUY. Is a surfing, rocking-out Bowser enough to get him laid? Perhaps. Enough to get him a second date? OH HELL NO.

Verdict: fuckable, but not date-able.

Query

Gentle reader, let me ask you a question. What if you were licking someone's breasts and then suddenly you were licking a dog with antler ears? Would you feel weird about that? I think I would, and not because of the breasts.

Verdict: Not fuckable

WINNER DING DING DING

Squids are automatically fuckable. They're fuckable, and they're fuckable hard. Also, weird beetles and shit and not flat ironing your hair. Hi, I like your squid and you're beautiful.

Verdict: Totes fuckable

SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR

Let's play the cliche game again!

1. Key to his heart

2. Razor blade

3. Sparrow

4. Anchor

5. Sacred Heart

6. Flower

And you know he flat irons his fucking hair.

Verdict: Not fuckable

Mountain Don't

Product placement is NOT fuckable.

Verdict: Not fuckable

Like Where's Waldo, but More Fun For Adults

Let's play a game. It's called 'Count the Cliches in This Picture.'

1. Asian-inspired flower. FAIL.

2. Barbed wire. FAIl.

3. Skull. FAIL.

4. Asian-inspired waves. FAIL.

And that's all that's visible. Imagine the possibilities!

Verdict: Not fuckable

Something Smells Fishy and I Don't Mean Your Laday

If you're going to get a tattoo that's as cliched as Koi fish, at least make sure it's really fucking well done. Well done, artist. You've done your best not to limit the "pool" of women this man can fuck.

Verdict: Not a deal breaker

Big Black Arm Does Not Equal Big Black Cock

What? Just your arm is black? Just black? With an x?

Verdict: Not fuckable, but if you're straight edge I guess it doesn't really matter.

Cullen Fingers

That's one way to get fingered by Cullen.

Verdict: not fuckable.